I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
