I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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