You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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