so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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