I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize