u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
