Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
