they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
