I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
