New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
