Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
