I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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