My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
