I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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