fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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