I just pynch a tree in the face
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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