gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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