So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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