and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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