is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i will never coherently bang her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
