Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
