Tell her she can't have a vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
