let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
