Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
