Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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