I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
