I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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