she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
