i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize