I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Damn victory sex feels great
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
