none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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