Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
