Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i've created a new STD.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
