Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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