i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
