I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize