We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
