He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
