I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
