I will die if light touches me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize