Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
