Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
