Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
