Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
