I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
