JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
