i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
