The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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