my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this will be a night to untag.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
