I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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