8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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