In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
