Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
