We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
