My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
