The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
