You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
