Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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