Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
