Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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