I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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