Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
