i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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