She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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