hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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