Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize