i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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