She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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