i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
